God knows for sure!

I tried to do things by my onw streght and tried to deal with God even though I know I shouldn't have resisted to ignore what God wants me to do. So the result is "Bad things happened" and I just have to say that I feel so releave from this. I know my heart is not really in a good condition when I keep doing it. But Some how I wanted to try till God said you have to let it go. Or I will let somesone let lit go. I was thankful because I finally should my way to do. If he let me do, I would hang on to it.

The Secind Letter!

I am now trying to think about what I sould tell you. It was better than it was yesterday as I went to church and spent sometimes with friends. I felt less lonely but I still needed to see you. I hope you will come here to see me soon. I have many things to share with.

Tonight I went to the beach and watched stars and talked to God about you heheh. What a silly of me! I talked about somebody I haven't met yet. I was kinda good mood. I hope I would share the time on the beach with you. =) I will finish it here for tonight because I was a bit tried after spending the long long day without you.

PS> I think I would sell this letters hehe.

This is my first Letter to my future husband.

Dear you who I don't know yet,
It might happen or it might not be for the the one I have waited to a long time. but this is the first later I wrote to you. It will be from now on the date of the 7th of March 2010. This is another that I feel very very lonely even I have many friends aroun me. It seems like I am not content at what I have now. You could say. But I really wanted to come to stay by myside. I need a shoulder where I just could lay my head and listen to each other heartbeat. I don't want you to comfort me but just sit with me and we can enjoy the quiet time together.
i have no idea when I would meet you maybe this year, next year, next 10 years or God just want me to live my whole life without you. You know what I jsut don't want to show my true self or how weak I am to many people becuase they might laugh at me. SOmetimes it is gtting harder and harder of living by my own. I hope you would come and let my world more beautiful or cheerful.
Every night since I have been to the southern of Thailand, I have looked up at the sky and talked with God to send you to help me. Even I didn't mean to make your world get darker when you see me as i am very bad to be with. I would try my best to become a dearly girl.

Look forword to meeting with you some day,
Gai

Life has been confusing...

It is hard to admit that I miss Bangkok. I miss the night life even I didn't g o out much and I miss my freedom where I could go by myself lots in Bangkok. SOmetimes, I am super tired to wait for people and to let the poeple wait for me because it wasn't normal for me. I could do whatever I want. Then I didn't need to care those people would like it or not. On the other hand, I have to do those things I hate here. I have to wait even though I don't want to. I have to follow those poeople who don't quilify to be leader.

I don't wanna admit that sometimes I felt that I made a mistake to come down here for many reasons. Most of the time, I just told myself it was because of my silliness for making this decision. However I don't wanna say living here are both happiness and sadness at the same time.

I living here with the other one who is also the new wprker. She is kinda nice person so far for me. I just really hope that we will really become friends. As i am not trusting people for a long time. So it is difficult for me to learn how to love without being comaparison. that makes me stuggle with what I have in my mind. This again I wish God will teach me how to accept the help and how to live with other people for i am not good at it at all. She seems to be something totally different from me, both habit and Physical.

It must be tougher from now on and I know I must lean on God. I myself like to do tasks by myself. Till I guass that God could not stand to see me become like vegetable dying bit by bit. He just want me to go back to him and put everything with him. All my hope, all my fear, and all things in my life shall be leave them to God . I know for sure he wants the best things for me.

I put al my doubt and all bad attitude to him.

let he heal alll of us who work in this office and he will help us to learn how to accept each other and love each other as Christ's love.