How do I have without you?

It is a question came into my mind "How can I live without you?". It is not difficult to answer but hard to get through the feeling of having someone who you can lean on for such short leght of time.

Most of poeple whom I hang out with said they might be away in June. The coming month where is waiting for me to be just myself if those are gone. I have no words to pull them here becuase if their hearts are not with the place how can one hold on them? I am now trying to hold myself in and effort to get used to the old way I have lived before.

Most of my writing is only the lonely feeling words, I should really get used to this emotion of mine.

May 24, 2011
Gai

May will be ended soon!

The pass few months i have been fun with a new friend and some others whom I may call friends. I felt a bit not being lonely for awhile. It was good to have someone with me always. This became my routine which I wouldn't like it to end now (in my sense). I wish it was just a dream that I had been in there for a short period of time. So it is now the time to wake up and see the real hard world.

I have never expected that this kind of feeling would happen to me. This is hurt more than the thing during last Christmas. I would be sadder if that one is being a bad one. He is too nice to let me feel this way. I shouldn't let myelf trap my own heart and see my own soul being in this stage.

I hope this feeling would be gone and I will be back to be my own self soon. Mayby this will be a curse that I will have to be alone even though I hate to be alone to death. I know myself better to know my own soul that I shouldn't be alone in this world. But time to time, I try hard to accept this thing. Always God puts Someone whom I thought I would rely on. Leter I found out that it wasn't. Hurting but not crying coz I hold my tear inside my spirite. i always tell it not to show any emotions that people will see YOU are such a loser.

Being me better not to have anyone with for they will be gone sooner that I can control myself. They are factors that i couldn't control.